Category Archives: My Stories

Mother – A Poem

Mother

By Danielle Olson

When I’m alone I often think of you my dear mother

How can I still have so much anger in my heart and yet miss you dearly at the same time?

I do wish I could talk to you one more time

Hear your voice

Tell you I love you

Is that something you can know after death?

I wish I told you more in life

Oh, how I wish I could have saved you

Wish I could have silenced your demons

Wish I had the patience

Wish I had the understanding of what weighed heavy on your mind

Could there have been something…anything to alter your thoughts?

Could I have changed things if I listened to your pain?

I feel guilty for all the things I truly wanted to say

For if I spoke my true mind you would never forgive me

My words would have made your life darker

I would have caused your mind to travel deeper into your oblivion

 

Unable – A Poem

Unable

by Danielle Olson

Your eyes while open are lifeless

Unable to express words

You allowed the darkness to consume you

Or have you always been chained?

Unable to break free

I know who chained you

And yet I didn’t save you

Fear – A Poem

Fear 

By Danielle Olson

Avoid anything you once did I must

So as not to become what I fear most

My fear is that I would become you

I cannot become you

It would destroy me

Mother’s Death – A Poem

Mother’s Death

By Danielle Olson

Oblivion…

Oblivion was in your eyes

Oblivion…

Oblivion took your mind

Oblivion…

Oblivion took your soul

Oblivion…

Oblivion was your undoing

Oblivion…Oblivion…Oblivion

For eternity

Book Update | Wish Me Luck!

i-am-a-writer

In a mere 26 days, I will be submitting the first 20 pages of my memoir for a chance to be chosen for the 2016 PEN Center USA Emerging Voices Fellowship.

The Fellowship includes the following:

  • Professional Mentorship
  • Enrollment in classes at the UCLA Extension Writers’ Program (one 12-week course & a one-day workshop)
  • Attending Author Evenings
  • Enrollment in one genre-specific Masters Class
  • Completion of a 25-hour volunteer project
  • Voice Instruction Class to read work in recording studio & receive instruction on reading publicly
  • Participation in (3) public readings
  • Stipend

This is (by far) one of the scariest, most thrilling things I will do to get my book finished and get it published. I’m sure all you published (and even non-published) authors understand me when I say the part that scares me the most is having other people judge my work, but with a memoir they will also be judging my life and my experiences.

Even though I’m scared and nervous and anxious, I’m also very excited to see if I get this Fellowship. It’s an amazing opportunity to learn more about the craft of writing and gain valuable experience, all while working on my memoir.

So over the next 26 days I may be MIA from my blog, but know that I’ll be back in full force after I’ve had the chance to make my 20 pages good enough to submit.

If you want more information on this Fellowship please follow this link: Emerging Voices Fellowship

26 Birthday Goals

It’s been a year already.  I can’t believe how fast time flies and how much has changed.  I’m a married woman now and have my own health insurance!  I feel so grown up!

This year I’ve slightly changed the way I will present my goals.  I will give my list of current goals and the list of goals I completed during the last year.

So, here are my 26 Birthday Goals  (in no particular order):

  1. Pay off car (Only 2.5 years left!)
  2. Ongoing Goal: Get toned
  3. Get a new computer
  4. Ongoing Goal: Travel to a new place
  5. Hike to upper Yosemite falls
  6. Read all Mary Higgins Clark books
  7. Get my CPCU
  8. Ongoing Goal: Move up in my career at work
  9. Finish my book
  10. Pay off my student loans
  11. Ongoing Goal: Save money for future use
  12. Buy a house or condo
  13. Get my Ph.D
  14. Have children
  15. Save up enough money to pay for my youngest sister’s college tuition
  16. Expand my philanthropy for my Alma Mater Woodbury University and other non-profit organizations
  17. Create a scholarship fund for students who have lost a parent from prescription drug addiction
  18. Ongoing Goal: Write more blog posts this year
  19. New Goal: Read 26 books by the end of 2015
  20. New Goal: Get a new phone
  21. New Goal: Go to the gym at least 3 times per week
  22. New Goal: Attend more literary events
  23. New Goal: Go on a small hike at least once per month
  24. New Goal: Hike to Nevada falls in Yosemite National Park
  25. New Goal: Run two 5Ks
  26. New Goal: Read at least 10 books on my NetGalley List

Here are the goals that I accomplished last year:

  1. Get married (Married the love of my life on April 25, 2015)
  2. Travel (Visited many places I’ve already been to and some new)
  3. Try sushi (My husband took me to Kabosu in Toluca Lake)
  4. Run a full marathon (My husband and I ran the Avengers Half Marathon)
  5. Move up in my career (Got a promotion this year!)
  6. Get tan (I got a slight tan when I came back from my honeymoon)

Check out my 25 Birthday Goals from last year.  You will see that I changed some of my goals along the way.  That’s just how it goes right?  You end up wanting different things and your dreams may change. Nothing wrong with that as long you always have something to work towards.

What are some of your goals and how are you working towards accomplishing them?

Happy Birthday To My Mother

Today would’ve been my mother’s 51st birthday.  If she were alive today, my siblings would all come together to make the day special.  We’d decorate the house with balloons, streamers, and confetti.  Her birthday gifts would be neatly placed on the dining room table, ready for her to open.  She’d walk in and find all these wonderful things her children did for her.

My mother didn’t need anything extravagant.  It was always about the simple things.  She loved her Starbucks iced frappuccino drinks.  I used to get her a four pack every year.  She loved her handmade cards.  She loved her cupcakes or cakes we’d bake (or bought from Albertson’s down the street).  And she just loved spending time with her children on her birthday.

This is exactly how I remember the last birthday I spent with her.  On her last birthday, my siblings and I cleaned the house and set up posters and decorations.  We waited for my mom to get home and jumped up yelling, “Surprise” when she finally walked in.  I really miss those days.

If I could celebrate with her today, I would take her to a Hollywood Bowl concert to see some country star she loved; she loved Carrie Underwood and Blake Shelton.  I would take her to dinner to a restaurant she’s never been to.  We’d stop and get ice cream on the way home.

I really wish I could’ve had more time with her.  I wish she could have seen me graduate from college.  I wish she could have comforted me when job interviews were going nowhere.  I wish I could have told her when I finally landed that full time job.  And I wish she could’ve met my fiance and had a chance to know the man that makes me happy.  I wish I could’ve told her how he proposed.

On her 51st birthday, I’m going to remember all the good times I had with my mom.  I will think about watching Friends with her.  I will think about when she asked me to name my baby sister.  I will think about all the school projects she helped me with.  I will think about how much she loved us.

Happy Birthday to my wonderful, sweet, and amazing mother.

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Speaking At My Alma Mater | Woodbury University

Photo courtesy of Woodbury University

Photo courtesy of Woodbury University

On Saturday, October 18th, I was asked to speak about my time at Woodbury University, during my school’s 130th Anniversary celebration.  I attended Woodbury for both my undergrad and graduate degrees and loved every minute I spent there.   I can’t imagine having gone to any other University.

I’m a big supporter of my Alma Mater and agreed whole heartedly to tell my Woodbury story.  I wanted to share my speech with you today.

“I remember when I discovered Woodbury University.

I was 17 years old looking at this gigantic book listing colleges across the country. I finally found Woodbury at the end of the California section and told myself, “I’m going there.”

Woodbury had everything I was looking for. Small class sizes, excellent academic programs, and was only an hour away from home.

My freshman year here was like that of any other student. I made friends, went to class, pulled my hair out during finals and when it was over, breathed a sigh of relief that I made it through my first year of college.

When my mom unexpectedly passed away during my sophomore year, I wasn’t sure I could continue, but somehow I did with the help of the wonderful people who study and work at Woodbury.

During the most difficult time in my life, at a time when I felt like giving up, I found comfort at Woodbury. My peers, my professors, and my co-workers helped me move forward and reminded me that I need to continue working towards a better, brighter future for myself. The people at Woodbury became my family and Woodbury became a home away from home.

Woodbury means much more than a diploma I can hang on my wall.

I found myself here.

I discovered untapped potential in myself and developed in things I was most passionate about.

I become more confident and wasn’t afraid to take a few risks.

I owe that to Woodbury University. I owe that to my Woodbury family.

I’m so proud to have attended such a wonderful University, for both my Bachelor’s and Master’s degrees, and credit my success to everything I learned here.

I look forward to what my future holds and I know Woodbury will have prepared me for it.”

Remembering My Mother

Today marks the 6th anniversary of my mother passing.  I feel like it should be easier the sixth time around, but this year hurts more than the last few.  I’m constantly dreaming of her now and I know it’s because of all the wedding planning I’m doing.

In one dream, I’m standing in front of a full length mirror wearing my wedding dress and veil.  I turn to head down the isle when my veil gets snagged and rips.  I start to cry and that’s when my mom appears to tell me everything will be all right.  Other dreams with her are about my upcoming nuptials, but there are the few that venture back to when she was alive.

I went on my first dress appointment by my myself because I wanted to be left with my own thoughts knowing I would be thinking of how my mom wasn’t there to see me.  Now, each time I see myself in my wedding dress, her face appears in my head and I have to choke back tears and sobs.  Planning the wedding of my dreams has caused these painful emotions to bubble up once again and I’m constantly trying not to think of the day she left us.

I keep telling myself “You know she’s with you right now, watching over you“, but it’s not fair that she isn’t physically here.  I would give anything to be able to pick up the phone and tell her about how our wedding is progressing.  To ask for her opinion on the type of flowers we should get or if I should wear my hair up or down.

I know that on one of the happiest days of my life, I won’t be standing in front of the full length mirror and see my mother’s reflection looking back at me.  She’ll just be living in my memory.

Knowing that I’m going to me marrying the man of my dreams makes it better and I know that she would have loved him.  I also have many family members and friends who will be with me to share in my happiness that day.  I will have my wonderful step-mother and future mother-in-law who have graciously taken the place of “mother” in my life.

I feel blessed and fortunate to have people in my life that care about me and love me.  I just wish my mom wasn’t gone.

Lisa Michelle Miller

November 9, 1963 – September 20, 2008

25 Birthday Goals

Holy crap!!! Am I really 25 now! Not quite sure I’m ready to be a quarter of a century, but I am ready to update my birthday goals.

So, here are my 25 Birthday Goals updated from my 24 Birthday Goals (in no particular order):

  1. Pay off car
  2. Get toned
  3. Get tan
  4. Try sushi
  5. Get a new computer
  6. Travel
  7. Hike to upper Yosemite falls
  8. Read all Mary Higgins Clark books 
  9. Run a full marathon (Running a half Marathon in November)
  10. Get my CPCU
  11. Move up in my career at work
  12. Finish my book
  13. Start my retail business
  14. Obtain more clients for my consulting services
  15. Pay off my student loans
  16. Save money for future use
  17. Buy a house
  18. Get married
  19. Get my Ph.D
  20. Have children
  21. Teach entrepreneurship at a university
  22. Save up enough money to pay for my youngest sister’s college tuition
  23. Expand my philanthropy for my Alma Mater Woodbury University and other non-profit organizations
  24. Create a scholarship fund for students who have lost a parent from prescription drug addiction
  25. New Goal: Write more blog posts this year

An update will follow next year when I turn 26.  Yikes!

As a side note, can you imagine how long this post will get when I turn 50.

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